I haven’t been writing. I also haven’t been teaching. I’m no longer in the same job. My garden is a shambles and I lost two of my seven bee hives. But I knew it was going to be summer of loss, I gave up on it before it even started. There was a garden, but it sucked. It was my fault the hives were lost, but the remaining hives are stronger than before. I miss the comfort of my old job, but the new one has awakened my spirit to what I really love doing. I have a meeting on Monday about teaching next semester, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that. It has definitely been one of the most difficult summers in my memory.
As depressing as that all may sound, I can’t really say I’m depressed. A little tired and aged, but not necessarily sad (although there has been plenty of that, too). My partner was diagnosed with breast cancer back in January, and this summer was when the bulk of her treatment took place. That was a horrendous experience, but she survived. I see in her and I’m experiencing in myself, an increased clarity in life and a loss of tolerance for crap we don’t want or need. Cancer sucks. But it has gifts as well.
My new job title is web developer on a team of web developers. Not hybrid this and hybrid that. Just a web developer with an emphasis on making websites work better. There is a great deal of simplicity and clarity in that statement and although it’s taken a long time to get here, I’ve gotta say, it’s been worth every step. Change is risky and difficult. But it has gifts as well.